Old Fruit Stinks!

When I first saw this picture of old fruit, I first thought it was a shrivelled up orange but then saw the title and realized it was an apple! Think about this: is the love you are giving really life-giving love or is it love only demanding something in return? That is fruit that 'appears' to be one thing but actually is another. Deep, huh?

Today I've been reading Galatians 5:16-26. It's a must read in The Message because it breaks it down even more in a way that will get you to the core. lol! Core - apples, fruit...on a theme here. :)

Personal Life - Think about this: Living in the Spirit is NOT compatible with selfishness. Living in the Spirit is not something you can choose to do half the day and then walk in selfishness the other half. Okay, so I know that after a long days work you come home, make dinner, wash clothes, help with homework, go to soccer practice and the list goes on and on from there - this is going to stretch the limits of 'walking in the Spirit' because by the end of the day you are literally pooped! The difference, though, is when you go to bed at night you will either feel majorly stressed, tense, uptight and worn out or you will feel that peace flood you, you'll have a smile on your face, kindness in your heart and a beautiful calmness - what's cool is the more you walk in the spirit, the more natural it will become. It's all about what you want and the choices you choose to make.

Ministry Life - God has given us a life of amazing freedom but He never intended it to be used for our own selfish benefits. Something that is coming to mind is in my life, I work with teens and girls from way young to upper teen years. What I have come to realize is I can't try to make them become me, who I am, the spiritual experiences I've had - do it my way or the way I did when I was their age. It's a different time, different circumstances, different world - I MUST understand THEM in their culture, not mine. I MUST meet them where THEY are, not where I am. I CANNOT put my expectations on THEM, but LOVE them w/out condition. I CAN'T cut off the fruit in their life that I don't believe should be there - but I can lead, by example, a life of walking out the Spirit - showing: love, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Being a Leader doesn't give me the right to demand, but what I do demand is how I live my own life - living out life by putting action to my words and heart.

Wrap It Up - Living life with these fruits means that we need to WALK in the Spirit...allowing God to remove fruit that is not yielding good fruit - fruit that stinks, is rotten, to the point that you can't even tell what it is. It's such a cool and wild thought to know how deep God's love for us is. It starts at home...in you, your families and stretches beyond. Go for it! You can do it!! (don't worry, I do have those days that I go to bed with my face all uptight and stressed...but the cool thing is rotten fruit stinks so it doesn't last toooooo long! :)

Extravagant Living

Now that summer and half of fall has passed I thought it was time to return to my blog. How I've missed just dumping the words floating through my brain down for you to read. I know it can be scary at times for you but trust me, you will be just fine! :)

So, today I am reading Ephesians chapter 5 in The Message and before I could get out of the first 3 verses I get stuck on this: His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.

That is incredibly powerful. God didn't love cautiously but EXTRAVANGANTLY. So I had to look up the meaning of the word - extravagant = unrestrained, excessive, exceeding the limits of reason. It's hard to even begin to attempt to understand the depth of the word extravagant in relationship to God's love for us. This verse starts off with "Be imitators of God". (NKJV) So, God is calling me to be like Him so that means I cannot be cautious with the love I give but I am to give it without restraint, excessively, exceeding the limits of MY own reasoning. That is an extremely challenging thought - but yet a life motivating way to live. Will you get hurt loving this way, oh yea, but is it worth it, oh yea! Live life as Christ lived it - there will be pain, there will be joy, there will be trials, there will be triumphs - but at least when it's all said and done you can say you really lived life to the fullest because you LIVED LIFE EXTRAVANGANTLY - just like Jesus. This is such a deep thought that can't just be meditated on today only because it must be a way to live life daily. It involves change and that change is within us....wow! Too bad change wasn't as easy as taking one outfit off and putting on another! Of course, my bank account couldn't support that habit!

Okay - so, now I am ready to get ready for the day, head to Starbucks with a gift card I got that someone with an extravangant love for me (well, I hope so, at least...lol!) gave to me and finish my stinkin' yard that I'm soooo not gifted at working at but - I will do it with extravagant love and pray that the plants I plant will live and not die!!

The Joys of Motherhood

(November 2001)

I am the proud owner of three marvelously behaved children – Caleb is 15, Faith is 13, and Jake is 8. They really are the joys of my life. Really, they are! I have been married for 18 years to the love of my life, Mark. Three years after we were married, we decided that it was time to start a family….Little did I know what it was going to look like when this journey started. I had some misconceptions of motherhood that started within the first 6 weeks of just being pregnant…I had always seen pictures of a pregnant woman and she looked so happy, so surreal, so peaceful – I couldn’t wait for my day to arrive when I quickly realized that picture was a lie – it didn’t take my body but about 4 weeks to realize that there was an invasion inside of me and it decided that it would no longer like food, water, or even the smell of anything pleasant! I thought pregnancy was a time for eating not dieting!! This got me started on my journey that I call the ‘toilet affair.’ My husband was quite jealous because I was loving on toilets more than I was him. I couldn’t help myself…how could I explain this strange sickness that had overcome my body – and this was what they called THE JOYS OF MOTHERHOOD? My morning sickness was also ‘afternoon’ sickness and ‘evening’ sickness as well. Who was the silly Dr. that thought morning sickness just occurred in the morning? I was told that this ‘sickness’ would end around the 20 week mark….that was another lie. My sickness was a full 40 weeks – wait, 40 weeks is the normal term of carrying a baby but since my body has never been very obedient to follow what the books say, it decided to carry my first child the gestational period of an elephant…okay, so it wasn’t that bad, but going to 42 weeks sure felt like I was carrying around an elephant inside of me. Did I mention during the pregnancy how many times I would have to get up at night to go to the restroom. I now see what God was doing – He was preparing me prior to the birth of Caleb with the ‘LOS’ Syndrome which stands for “Lack of Sleep” syndrome. So, by having me get up every 2 hours during the pregnancy, I was ready to take on waking up every 2 hours to feed this little person that had taken over my body when his little day arrived. There were some positive things about my first pregnancy – one was, Caleb’s feet were so big (a size 1 when he was born) that he was able to push my organs in different places of my body to pave the way for his sister’s arrival 23 months later, and those same feet brought his daddy much delight the night that Mark kept placing an empty Pepsi can on my tummy and Caleb would kick it off. That was where we learned the ‘play it again’ game – you know, the one where you make a funny face and your little child says, “Do it again daddy!” So you do it again, and they say, “Do it again daddy!” Well, by the 27th time, you DON’T WANT TO DO IT AGAIN!
So, the day arrived when I finally got to have this little child – it gave me a whole new understanding for Labor – I never worked so hard in my life as I did that day to have him. 23 ½ hours is how long!! The wild thing was, after all that hard work, I was overwhelmed with so much joy when I heard his little cry – he sounded like a hyena but “hey – that was my hyena!” Those little red curls, huge size 1 feet, 23 ½” long body – that was my baby – the one that invaded my body and caused me to despise food for 9 months, make my legs swell to the size of elephant trunks, had me gain 35 pounds, and feel like a blimp, made me waddle the last 8 weeks, kicked me in my ribs over and over again, make me wet the bed – yes, wet the bed as a grown adult (that was actually Faith’s pregnancy), give me heartburn,…ah, yes, this is motherhood and we were just getting started! 

Delight....Laugh....Commit...BELIEVE - Pt. One

Last night when I got in bed, I opened my Bible to read Psalm 37. This chapter in my Bible is all marked up. I love highlighting verses that really get to me and putting the date beside it - it lets me see what I was going through or what the Lord was speaking to me at a certain time. This chapter will NEVER get boring - it's so dynamic and life challenging, especially with the world that we are living in at the moment. I couldn't wait to start blogging today and begin a new series I'm calling - BELIEVE. What a simple but huge word! Believe means = something that you accept as true. Has God given you a promise, a scripture for your life, a prophetic word recently or in years past? Do you believe His promises? Do you accept His words to be true? That's the kind of 'believing' I'm talking about. To really believe in His words over your life - to make His words become a REALITY in your life. The kind of believing that will mess your life up - in a brilliant way!

Believe - what a powerful word. Here are a few things I believe - if I eat too many donuts, I believe that I will gain 10 pounds. When I wake up in the morning, I believe I'll have a pretty hilarious and out of control hairdo. When I drive my car to the store, I believe I will get there. When I am eating breakfast, I believe it will take my hunger away. When I play the piano, I believe I will hear the music. Are you with me? Getting it? When I read God's word, I believe His words are true. When I invest in God's dreams, I believe it can change my life....When I remember His promises, I believe they will come true. I believe.....

So, what I want us to do over this series is read Psalms 37 with me. You'll probably read it more than once and truthfully, I hope you do. This chapter can change your life, your outlook, your thoughts, your future! Oh girlfriend - I feel a hallelujah comin' on! lol!!

So, before I make this blog a novel - in which I'm so gifted at, I've got to start with the first part of this chapter...I'm doing this from The Message and NKJV. Let's start with verses 1-4:

Don't bother your head with braggarts or wish you could succeed like the wicked.
In no time they'll shrivel like grass clippings
and wilt like cut flowers in the sun.

Get insurance with God and do a good deed,
settle down and stick to your last.
Keep company with God,
get in on the best.

Key words: DON'T BOTHER / GET INSURANCE / KEEP COMPANY

Think about this - we get so caught up in this world, in the constant bad news - which is a lot of bad news about those living lives that God would consider wicked - the greedy, the selfish, out for their own ambitions....God says - DON'T BOTHER!! Get a move on - don't dwell on them!! You'll never get anywhere in life dwelling on the negatives in your own life and in the lives of others. Are these difficult times we are living in right now? Yes, but if we keep our eyes only on our circumstances and never see with our eyes of FAITH as Jesus longs for us to AND BELIEVE, we'll never see our full potential in the life we are MEANT to live, NO MATTER what the circumstances. What HE SAYS is for us to get insurance with Him - live a life of doing beautiful things, stick to it! Hang with God and you'll have the absolute best!

Insurance....interesting concept. Why do I have insurance on my car? Because if someone hits me, I want to know that I'm taken care of physically if I was hurt and I want to know that my car will get fixed if it got wrecked. Same thing with God - when I invest in Him, I get His validation that He is in control of my life, I get His provisions, His covering, His protection, His Love, His mercy, His joy, His grace, His guidance, His dreams, His purpose and those are to name just a few.

So, as you go about your day - ask yourself this question: Are you investing in God's insurance plan? Are you giving Him your life daily? Do you believe? Go for it - YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE and EVERYTHING to gain!!

Keep reading Psalm 37 - over and over....we are only just getting started!

Tracee, This is only the beginning of a chapter that will totally mess with your head and life!

I'm Back!!

Okay - so many of you thought I had dropped off the face of the earth. lol! I didn't....I'm still alive and kicking up a storm.

I wanted to thank Janice for sharing her amazing story of the power of God and what He can do in our lives as she poured out her heart throughout the month of March in this blog. I know many of you were incredibly blessed by it! I can't thank Jesus enough for her and her beautiful friendship.

It was funny actually coming onto the blog cuz I couldn't even remember what my password was to get 'behind the scenes.' That's sooo bad! So, I hope you'll join me as we continue this joyblog to bless your socks off and make you put them back on again each and every time you check this blog out.

We want to bless you and stir you up inside to live your life to it's absolute best potential because that's exactly how God intended you to live your life!

Love and believe in you....
Tracee, longing for the zit on my face to GO AWAY!

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing...

I read this in a book this weekend and just HAD to share it with my girls!!

"BBQ is usually the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:

1. 1. The woman goes to the store to buy all the ingredients for the meal


2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.


3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the nescessary cooking utensils, and takes it tot the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a cola.


4. The man places the meat on the grill.


5. The woman goes inside to set the table, put out the condiments, and check the vegetables.


6. The woman comes out to tell the man the meat is burning.


7. The man gets off his lounge chair, puts his cola down, takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.


8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.


9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.


10. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women."

Happy BBQing!! ~Janice~

The Cinderella Ending...Almost!

First of all, thank you for being patient with me as I have been out sick for the past week. Thank you for your prayers and support, but the story must go on, so here is the conclusion to this chapter in my life...Enjoy!

That Sunday afternoon, I ended up going out to lunch with William and a couple of other people I didn’t know. This wasn’t the first time I found myself in a situation where I didn’t know anyone I was with, but it was the first time it happened in the day light! We talked, laughed and ate! I admit that I did not want the day to end; it had been so long since I had experienced TRUE fellowship. A few of us decided to walk our dogs at Holston Lake. I ran home, changed clothes, grabbed my forsaken dog and headed to the lake in record time! We walked and talked for hours. We even watched the sun set over the mountain, but still, that walk was short! William and I were having a really good conversation when the other two people that we were with decided to leave, so we did too. However, we decided not to say good-bye just yet, so we went to the coffee shop. I was not looking for a man, let alone, love! It found me. God’s perfect will found me.

My ex-boyfriend, the manager guy, called our pastor and told him that he needed to get my phone number. When our pastor asked why, this guy said that I had given him AIDS and that he needed to get a hold of me. Pastor knew that something about this wasn’t right, but called William to caution him in the meantime. Pastor didn’t know that I was with William at the time and when William got off the phone, he told me about the conversation. As soon as the words hit my ears, I knew that I knew that I knew it was a lie, and I wanted proof. William looked at me and said, “No matter what happens, I am here for you and I will stand beside you because I love you.” (Take a moment – realize what position William had just put himself into. Would you do that for someone you love? = Selflessness) This was the very moment that I knew that I was going to marry William.

When I told my parents about William, I was still very reserved on how much I said. I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t looking for approval from them and that I was going at this with a clear head and heart. They wanted to meet William, and they did…without me…I wasn’t invited. When William and I met up later that night, I asked him what my parents had said. William knew my recent and not so recent past, but that is what it was, a past. My parents were still living there. William did not share with me some of the things that were said, because he knew that they were no longer true. He decided to make his own choices and see the works of God in my life first hand. Shortly after that little talk, mom and dad started to come to our church.
Dating for William and I was very unconventional. William had been engaged twice before and he was in his 30’s, so he was ready to settle down; as for me, you know that I had been married before and had sewn some wild oats, so I too was ready. We guarded ourselves and our relationship as best we could, however, our defenses couldn’t hold a candle to our passion one night and we ended up getting pregnant. I believe that in that moment, God sealed our future. We were in love, we were pregnant and we already knew that we wanted to be married, so we did. No one could talk us out of this relationship. We became engaged in June and married in July of 2001.

God gave me the man of my dreams and gave us two of the most beautiful children He created. I may not have gotten in God’s perfect will and stayed on the right path when I started out, but God brought me to the place I needed to be so that I could be in His perfect will and on His path for my life. It wasn’t the easy road, but it got me here, and I learned so much more. Many of us travel the same road, some of us take a detour – It doesn’t matter how you get there. I wouldn’t trade my experiences for the world; they are very valuable to me and no one can take them away from me. It is because of them that I can write to you today and tell you that, “I know how you feel!! I know Where you are! I’ve Been There!”

It would be hard to find a woman in my family that could tell you that they have been in this situation, that they understand why you don’t feel like you can leave your abusive husband, that they know what it is like not to be found beautiful to your husband, that they know what it is like to feel deceived by your closest family, that they know what it is like to be homeless, poor and looked down on in this way. I can. I can tell you what it was like when Jesus found me at my lowest point, picked me up and dusted me off and told me, “My daughter, you are BEAUTIFUL! You deserve more! You deserve Love, peace, joy! You deserve Safety! Run to ME! Run into MY arms! I will keep you safe! I will bring you out!! I WILL SAVE YOU FROM YOURSELF!!”
It is for this reason that I thank my LORD that he saved me….from myself. I thought I knew…I didn’t know…but God knows. When I sing now, I sing the words; I sing with meaning backing every syllable. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Words without emotion are just words. If your kids tell you that they love you and want to be with you, but don’t mean it, it doesn’t make you feel real important to them does it? It makes you wonder about their intentions and question the truth. God is the same…mean every word that you tell Him. Don’t just go through the motions anymore. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.

I love each of you and if you need to talk with me about any of what you have read of my testimony in the last few weeks, contact me! I will be here for you. Most importantly, I challenge you to go DEEPER with God. He loves you and understands you more than you know. I hope that you’ve enjoyed my story…and yet, it goes on.

~I'm here for you, Janice~

Steps to a New and Better YOU!!

When you live in sin, trying to do it all yourself, your efforts don’t last very long before you realize that you need something greater than yourself to help get you through. For some, they turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, stealing, lying, food, shopping sprees – anything to help ease the pain, to lessen the burden. Me – I turned to God – the foundation of my youth. I knew that I needed him. I realized that nothing else that I could possibly think of could fill that void in my life. Nothing else could bring me TRUE joy. Sure, there were and still are things in my life that bring me happiness, but if only for a season – TRUE joy lasts a lifetime and is from God. Joy can only be found in Christ – it is in the eternal things – the things from God that will bring you true joy.

When I came to the realization that I needed to make some changes in my life, the first thing that I did was pray and asked God to forgive me in my foolishness and renew my life. I told him that I no longer wanted to do this on my own – that I could not do this on my own. I wholly and completely yielded myself to Him. I had to be honest with myself. Ladies, if we cannot be honest with ourselves, we are only hurting ourselves and keeping true healing from ourselves. If you want to be completely free from all the lies, the hurt, the pain, then you have to be honest with yourself and with your Heavenly Father. There is nothing that He doesn’t already know anyway, so why try to hide it? It was very important to me that I was honest with myself and that I knew beyond any doubt that I was making this choice on my own and not because of anyone else’s opinion or judgment of me.

I consider this moment to be my true salvation experience. I can’t explain the feelings that I felt that night, but I knew that they were very real! I danced and sang into the night with praise cd’s, crying out to God. I meant every word I sang. I felt the meaning of the words from the bottom of my soul. God had at this very moment saved me from myself.

The second thing I did was file for divorce and bankruptcy. Patrick had not tried to see or talk to me in over a year. I ended up paying for everything myself. Thankfully, the Lord allowed one of my customers, a lawyer to collect payments from me so that I could afford it. I made sure that man was paid every month…on time! Lawyers do not generally make payment arrangements and I knew it! I made sure I did not take it for granted.

The next thing I did was clean out my apartment of all the paraphernalia that I had, all the alcohol, cigarettes, recreational and prescription drugs, even my clubbing outfits went straight to the dump. I cut off my relationships with the guys that I was seeing and threw away their apartment keys and phone numbers – I was officially DONE with men, and honestly – I was okay with that. Then, I bought a newspaper.

I decided that I needed to find a church of my own. Not one chosen for me, not one that I tried to fit into, but one that would accept me, love me, and forgive me. Isn’t that what the church as a body is supposed to do? I found one. My only agenda was to get right with God, to dive into everything He had for me and to find out what that was. I found two churches in that newspaper that I thought I would like. I chose the first and decided that if I didn’t like it, I would go to the other one next week. I never did get to try the other church. When God places you somewhere specific, you know it!

I attended the service and liked it. The Pastor came up to me after service and introduced himself. There was another guy approaching us to introduce himself, but before he could, the pastor did it for him and in the process, let me know that he too was single. The pastor was trying to say that there were other singles in that church, but instead it came across as a set up. Couldn’t this pastor tell that I was DONE with men and I didn’t need to be set up? In fact, I was still married – about to be divorced – in only 1 month! I was just getting my life back together! I didn’t need another relationship to mess up! Not one of us in that little group knew what had just happened – the very thing that God had orchestrated and put together; for the man that the pastor introduced me to was William.

Change...it's gonna happen!

I was now living with my parents in Southwest Virginia. The day after we came back from Ohio, my dad sat me down and told me that I had to pay for all their costs incurred on their trip and that he was going to add it to the personal car loan I had with him on my car. (He had sold me the car a year before and I was making payments.) He also informed me that if I was to live with them, that I had to go back to school, which I did for another semester. This was just one more day…
Life back at home was rough once again. I felt that I was alone and that no one could relate to me and my circumstance…no one! I didn’t have anyone to talk to, no one to pull advice and relational empathy from. I really needed it! Mom kept telling me to toughen up – I don’t think she realized fully the grieving process and emotional sifting that I was doing and how necessary it was. Still, I dealt with home-life along with everything else, the best I could.
My sister was getting married in Illinois that August and I was the Maid of Honor. I did okay – until I got to the altar, holding my brother-in-law’s ring when it hit me like a brick. I started to lose it and the tears started rolling. At one point I remember thinking to myself that if I couldn’t pull it back together, I was going to have to leave. I suppressed, once again, and got through it…just one more day.
When we got back to Virginia, the job hunt started. I knew what I needed to make to pay all the bills, but I also didn’t have a college degree and in these parts, it really helps when you need to make the cash. I found myself applying for a waitressing position at Damon’s Bar and Grill. What was I doing? I had never waitressed before! But I filled the application out anyway. That had been my last stop that day. I had been EVERYWHERE filling out applications! Literally! By the time I drove home, Damon’s had called for an interview. Mom had answered the phone. She asked me why I even applied there and said that I would never be able to handle the memorization and attention the job required. That was the fire that lit my pants. Let me show you what I can do! I went to the interview and took the job. I made more money per hour than what I was looking for and ended up finding my TRUE calling. I did it successfully for 2 years and discovered my other loves…I love to serve people, and I love the creativity of food. I loved my job and I was happy there!
One day that winter, after a long day at work, mom and dad had a talk with me. They thought that I was being a bad influence on my brother and disrespecting household rules and they kicked me out that night. In actuality, I am not exactly sure what they thought I was doing, or not doing. I didn’t really hear much of the conversation as I sat there in disbelief and shock. That night, I became homeless. I didn’t have anywhere to go. I took my dog, some clothes and my car. I turned to my friends at Damon’s. Co-workers were more than willing and compassionate to take me and my dog in for the night. Over the next few days, coworkers helped me by taking care of my dog, offering extra shifts and tables to me, taking turns letting me stay with them and even helping me find an apartment. I quit going to church. I thought, if mom and dad already think I am doing all these horrible things, then why not do it? So I did!
I found a dump of an apartment, but I was proud of it and made it mine! I started smoking, sleeping around, clubbing, selling drugs and drinking. My new image allowed me to start bartending at work and that allowed me to get an instant raise. I started seeing one of the managers there. He was much older than me, but I didn’t care. Our relationship was very shallow for both of us, it was just a physical relationship for the majority of the time we were together, we were each other’s ‘booty call’. We ‘dated’ for a little over a year and towards the end, we both wanted a deeper relationship, but I knew it could never work. I broke it off and it was hard. Keep in mind too, that my divorce still was not final this whole time. Technically, I was still a married woman. It was so hard for me to think so though, because I did not feel married. I felt free, and so I was free.
There were times I didn’t know how I got home. I would lie to get what I wanted. I would use guys to get what I wanted. It was all a game to me. I would push my body to the limits. There were times that I would be out driving with my friends and we would end up at someone’s house that I didn’t know, I didn’t know where we were, or how I would get back. Talk about fear gripping your heart. Being in this vulnerable state, anything could happen…and who would know? I lost money, I lost my dignity, and I didn’t care. This lifestyle went on for over a year when I woke up one morning and realized that I needed to make some changes in my life.

Moving Day...I left.

One day, I woke up and saw clearly. I don’t remember what was said, but I do remember that it was like a light bulb turned on and I was able to look into my marriage from the outside. God reminded me that I was HIS child and that I was WORTH more than rubies, that my worth was that of a JEWEL that HE wanted to display in HIS crown. (Ladies, it is VERY important in the kingdom of God that we KNOW our worth! Do you know how VALUABLE you are to HIM?) He allowed me to see some things over the next few days in our marriage that I was blinded to before. I had some feelings that Patrick was lying to me about his computer use and some other issues, but wasn’t confident enough in myself to confront him on my own, so I called our Pastor. Our pastor asked me if our meeting was about us leaving the church. You see, abusers wear a different face in public than they do behind closed doors. Patrick and I had never talked to anyone about our problems. We faked the happy married couple life quite well and were practiced at it by now.
Pastor met with us after service that night. I confronted Patrick about the pornography and he admitted to it and in the same breath began to apologize, make excuses and confuse the situation, but I didn’t hear anything past his “yes”. I felt a calming in my spirit that I can only explain as GOD. As the pastor talked to Patrick about the many dangers of pornography, God began to comfort, minister and speak to me. What our pastor didn’t know is that Patrick and I had already experienced many levels of those dangers in our marriage and I was ready to leave. I don’t remember much more of the conversation because God began to show me how to be peaceful, how to forgive whole-heartedly, and how to leave Patrick safely. I didn’t talk to Patrick the rest of the night as begged and pleaded for a response from me. I know that it was the Holy Spirit inside of me keeping me calm and quiet. I was hurt deeply. My flesh wanted to rage…to cry, hit and scream at Patrick for hurting me once again, but I didn’t.
I called my mom the next day and told her what happened. She said, “I can’t tell you what to do, but isn’t this what you prayed for?” Which I thought was completely out of my mother’s character because she was usually the first to tell me what I needed to do. Since I wasn’t working at the time and Patrick was, I was able to start packing boxes of things out of the attic, drawers, cabinets that was out of sight. I hid them at my neighbor’s apartment. He didn’t notice that those things were missing, but I also never packed anything that was in sight so as not to attract attention to my plan.
I started to make meals and pack them in the freezer for him. I stocked the pantry with his favorite foods. I closed out our bank account and took my name off the apartment lease. I had to plan very carefully; I could not let him know I was leaving. I was still afraid of his temper even though he was very mellow ever since our talk with our Pastor.
My parents came that weekend with a U-Haul and a video camera. That Saturday, Patrick had to work a half day. I took him to work because we only had my car at the time. My parents were at the apartment waiting on me when I got back and we videotaped the apartment first…untouched. As soon as we were done, we started bookin’ it. I had preplanned what was going and what was staying and made everyone aware. They came prepared with boxes, tape and packing paper. We were all in rhythm and packing at record speed when Patrick called…he had forgotten his lunch. I hopped in the car and took him his lunch. Thankfully we had not packed anything in it! He asked me, ”What are you doing?” “Oh,” I replied, “I’m just cleaning the apartment.” “Why don’t you wait until I get home and I will help you.” ,he offered. “That’s okay,” I answered, “I’ll be done by the time you get home.” And I was. I made arrangements for Patrick to get home as I left. I cried most of the 7 hour drive to Virginia. It was July 10, 1999.
~Janice~

Changes...

Ironically, during this trying time in our marriage, my parents and I had started to make amends. Patrick and I traveled to Illinois several times to work on the restoration of our relationship. You have to work on relationships; you just can’t sit back and let relationships happen to you, because if you do, they won’t.

Patrick and I decided to try to get pregnant. We thought that having a baby would soften things between us and make everything better. Now, I know that standing on the outside of this type of situation I can hear some of you saying, “Ya! Right!” But it is not until you are fully in a situation in that moment that you think that something this dramatic will make your life better. I mean, it’s a baby! How wonderful, right? A product of your love. But see, it really isn’t when you are involved in an abusive situation. It can make things drastically worse and then, you have gone and involved another person into the terrible mix. We tried for almost a year to conceive. I am thankful that we never did. It was in God’s plan for both of us.

Things were good again. We ended up getting a dog. I worked with that puppy and trained it, never thinking that it may one day defend me, but that is exactly what happened. I remember being chased around the apartment, and I ran into our guest bedroom and locked myself in. The dog was on the other side of the door. Patrick kicked the door, yelled and screamed all the while, the dog barking. I remember that he bit Patrick. He ended up leaving the apartment after that, just like he always did. The dog lay in front of my door until it was safe for me to come out. Patrick was more afraid of the dog now and the abuse died once again. I loved that dog.

Psalms 17:7-9 - "Show me your unfailing love in wonderful ways. You save with your strength those who seek refuge from their enemies. Gruard me as the apple of your eye. Hide me in the shadow of your wings. Protect me from wicked people who attack me, from murderwous enemies who surround me." God is always there to protect His sheep. Love Him. He is your Shephard; Trust in Him.
~Janice~

Deadbolts...

We were both 21 and over $40,000 in unsecured debt. We began fighting over money, which always led to other fights. Patrick signed up for credit cards in my name and cosigned others that I didn't know about. We ended up buying a car that neither of us could afford, and ended up working all the time, which proved to be a strain on our marriage. Our fights became worse. I found out that he was participating in graphic internet pornography, and at the same time, our fights became physical.
Patrick and I got more and more violent. He would chase me down the hallway; sometimes with a knife, kick me, spit on me, hit me, call me names and made me do things in the bedroom that I didn’t want to do. He would always leave the apartment for an hour or two after our fights. I don’t know what he did or where he went, I didn’t want to know. All I know was that he had calmed down and always knew what to say to apologized.
I got fed up with this routine after a short while and bought a new lock for the door. I would practice changing it out. I would time myself and work on getting faster at changing the deadbolt, because the next time, I was going to lock him out for good.
The next time came. I changed that lock in less than 3 minutes. I packed his bags and threw them on the porch. When he came back, he sang a different tune! He was sorry and fed me the lines I wanted to hear and I eventually let him back in. We talked about the pornography and I knew that it was one of the many roots of our problems. I told him that if he started with the porn again, I was leaving. I felt that it was my way out. But I also felt that I needed to give him one more chance.
Through it all, we stayed in church. It was a Methodist Church – definitely not a church that I was used to having been raised in a non-denominational Pentecostal church. One day, I looked at Patrick and said, “I can’t go back there anymore.” (Sometimes God will “Rock Your Boat” to get you to move…He’ll make you uncomfortable to get you to take that step of faith that He is wanting you to take.) We met with our pastor and she understood and gave us her blessings. We moved closer into town to lessen our commute. There was an Assemblies of God church right on the corner of our new apartment and we became very involved. Things started to shape up again. Both Patrick and I got new jobs, we were down to one car, and had a closer commute. However, we were still unknowledgeable about debt reduction and our fights were still there, but hidden from everyone around us. No one knew. I had never felt lower in my life; I lost all self-esteem. I cooked and baked all the time, therefore I gained a lot of weight and reached my heaviest size.

~Janice (don't worry...it gets better)~

Lemons...

Before I left, I struggled aimlessly o fit back in with my family. I felt like an outcast and of course, that didn’t make me want to open up to them about my new found “Love” with Patrick at all. So I stayed to myself and became withdrawn. Patrick and I talked on the phone everyday when I decided late in July that this was not working for me and I wanted to move back to Ohio. Patrick and his mom came to Illinois to move me back to Ohio. My parents sat on the couch watching us move everything out of the house and when the last box was loaded, my dad looked at Patrick and said some really hurtful things to him about me while I stood there in disbelief. Although I had done the things he was mentioning in the past, I felt that I had grown and moved past that immaturity in my life. I was very hurt and felt betrayed. More words were passed and we left with heavy hearts, but somehow I knew that this was what I was supposed to do.
My relationship with my parents soured. Patrick and I lived with his mom for a while until we found an apartment of our own. We got engaged and married in June of 1997, still not talking to my parents. Our wedding came. My parents came, watched the ceremony and left. They never said anything to Patrick or me, but at least they came. It wasn’t until almost another year later that we finally started talking again.

Our marriage started out great. We played tennis together, Patrick played softball and I loved to go to the games and watch. He played in our local hockey team, we got a puppy dog, we took pinics in the park, we ate ice cream on the stoop outside the Dairy Queen and watched the cars go by. We would laugh everytime a car would scrape the street after going through the drive-through. Things were great; until we found ourself in a mound of debt.

We were both 21 and over $40,000 in unsecured debt. We began fighting over money, which always led to other fights. Patrick signbed up for credit cards in my name and cosigned others that I didn't know about. We ended up buying a car that neither of us could afford, and ended up working all the time, which proved to be a strain on our marriage.

Integrity...

Patrick and I dated for the rest of the school year until I had to go back home to IL. I wanted to stay the summer, but my parents would not let me. Right before the school year let out though, my dorm roommate stayed out one night. The dorm mother came and woke me up the next day asking if I knew where she was. I did not. She then told me that my “aunt” was on the phone downstairs in her office, which I thought was weird because none of my aunts ever called me…it was my roommate. Long story short, I was then in the hot seat to tell my dorm mother what I my roommate said and I did. I was told by her and other dorm resident that I should be proud of myself that I did the right thing and that I was a woman of integrity, but I didn’t feel like it at all! I felt horrible. I just ratted out my friend and roommate. Her staying out all night was a violation of school policy and grounds for dismissal. Not only that, she was in America on a student visa. If she was expelled, she was sent back to her country. I felt sick.
I went ahead and attended classes that morning. I had a break in the afternoon and decided to get a few things out of our room. When I got there, she was there and yes, she was packing – they had expelled her. When I opened the door, I was standing face to face with her and she was angry. She attacked me – literally. It was awful. I got away and hopped into my car. I headed back to the college and into the office there. They put me in a room where security took pictures of my injuries, admins took my story down, teachers and officials became involved…it was very humiliating and embarrassing. I understood why my roommate was mad and I chose to forgive her right then and there. My choice came easily as I let the Holy Spirit lead me. I know that it was only by God’s grace that I could have forgiven her in that moment.
My parents came and wanted me to press charges against her. I never felt right about this, but they are my parents, right? They know what is best right? I filed and we settled things with a mediator. My parents had gone back to IL at this point, so Patrick drove me and was there by my side. If I had to do it over, I would not have pressed charges against her. However, you live and you learn and my roommate and I eventually forgave each other, but still, it was a very hard lesson in relationships.
I went home for the summer, but things were not as they were. Things changed. I felt like an outsider in my own home. I felt excluded in everyday life and it was very hard for me to find my place once again. I reacted - negatively. I ended up on the phone with Patrick almost every night and in July of 1996, Patrick came to my house in IL and I moved out.
~Janice~

The story continues...

Okay, stopped is a bit extreme, maybe I should have said paused for a while. On March 15, 1994, after I drove my younger brother and sister home from school and we got our after school snack, we started on our chores. My brother decided that he would rather practice his basketball. There was only a slight problem…my car was in the way. To avoid an argument, my sister offered to move the car. She was already 15 and would have her license in the fall, so I thought, why not? (My mom was at a long awaited hair appointment - in which she was going to get a perm…)
My sister got into my car and proceeded to pull it into the garage as I stood in front to direct her into it. As she pulled the car into the garage, I guess she was a little nervous and at the very moment that I motioned for her to stop, she accidentally hit the gas pedal. The car hit the corner of the chest freezer and as I ran back and jumped up, the car hit me and pinned me up against the wall. I ended up with my legs tucked completely up against my bottom, my right hand up against the wall, and my left hand on the hood of my car holding me in place. My sister said that she does not remember moving the car, but as she backed the car I tried to stand and fell to the floor. My head was telling my legs to work, but my legs said natta! Now my brother, who was in boy scouts at the time, began treating me for shock as I, as strange as it sounds, stayed calm. (It was the Holy Spirit keeping me calm, I know it!) My sister freaked out! She called mom – thankfully they had not started the perming process on her hair! Boy what a mess that would have been!!
My mom rushed home and drove the car out of the garage to the other side of the street as I still lay there on the floor in front of it. After she moved the car, my mom came to my side and began spiritual warfare over my body. She prayed for some specific things that would have never crossed my mind as a 17 year old. I am thankful that she did. You never know when you pray what you may be helping to prevent or protect. PRAY…PRAY WITHOUT CEASING!!
I was concerned about my sister and told mom to go check on her. When she did, the ambulance came. They loaded me up and we all went to the hospital. The paramedics were amazed that I was hit the way I was...they said had I been standing straight up, I would not have legs. The bumper of my car exactly matched the cement block foundation of the house. (Whoa...)

At the time, my dad was either in Detroit or Canada, either way, he was far away and caught the next flight out of there. After a couple of hours in the ER, X-rays, and visits from our church family, I was sent home with a pair of crutches and some medication. The doctor kept scratching his head at the whole thing. No broken bones! I didn’t break one bone. I had a fracture on my pelvic plate, damage to my nerves on one shin, and a chip of bone that now ‘floats’ behind my knee-cap, even though, I still could not walk out of the hospital. In fact, I could not walk for two weeks. When they brought me home, my pastor and worship leader had made a sling out of a blanket in order to carry me into the house.
I lost most of any modesty that I had during those two weeks. I had to use the restroom when I first came home and had to have my sister and my mom help me get ready for it, get on it, and then…for the first time in my life, I passed out on it. Yep! Buh-bye modesty!! For the most part I am a pretty independent person, but I had to let go of all of that and the Lord showed me how to receive service. It may be easy for some of you, and now as mothers, we wish we could be in that place of receiving service all the time, but for me it is HARD!! My grandma came and stayed with us during that time. They had to wash my hair as I hung off the side of the couch! I had to give someone a 20 minute heads up if I needed to use the restroom because that is how long it took us to get me there. I would practice every day to get up on my crutches, only to fall in agony, pain and humiliation.
I remember the day that I did it. I ‘swung’ myself to the dining room table. I still couldn’t walk very well, but I could swing on my crutches!! Graduation was quickly approaching and I had doubts about it. I didn’t want to be swingin’ on my crutches down the aisle to receive my diploma and yet, I also knew that I had a lot of recovery ahead of me. I am happy to say that I did walk – on my own – in heels – to receive my diploma. My God is able to heal, restore and revive!
I graduated Salutitorian of my Senior Class of ’94. I received a two year Presidential Scholarship to the local Community College in Olney, IL. I only used one year of it before I wanted to spread my wings and fly to World Harvest Bible College in Columbus, OH. We got everything ready, dad and I visited the college and I was on my way in August of 1996 to pursue a degree in Praise/Worship. I had to get a job to pay for my expenses and dorm rent, so I got one in sales at the local Sears Outlet selling appliances and furniture. It was here that I met my first husband, Patrick.

~Still more to come...Janice~

High School Years...

(Janice's testimony cont...)

The next few years, I still struggled socially. We ended up moving three hours away in the middle of my 8th grade year. We now lived in Galesburg, IL and the Junior High there was not small AT ALL!! I went from a class of 30 to a class of 300 and rode a bus to school for the first time! I saw this as a chance to start over socially and began searching immediately to find my place. I attended High School in this same town and that is where I really compromised myself. I began to get more involved with boys, I started smoking, I gambled, I lied, I cheated, I stole, I cussed, I didn’t care…I didn’t respect myself. I found myself in a VERY dangerous place...self disrespect.

Our bus would get to school 30 minutes before school started, so we would go to the pool hall to play and smoke before school started. I will never forget the day my dad walked into the pool hall, took me by the arm and pulled me out of there...and out of school. My friends thought he was an undercover cop. (I can't tell you how thankful I was at that very moment that I didn't have a cigarette in my mouth!) When dad put me in the car, I remember asking him, “What are you going to do with me?” I was scared. We went straight to the principal’s office. Because there was only 3 weeks left of school, it wasn’t feasible for me to start another school, so my parents sent me back to Catlin, IL to live with my grandma and go to school there until finals.

So now I found myself pulled away from my school in Galesburg to now be back in my school in Catlin. But! Because Catlin was already doing their finals, I had to sit in the library the whole day, by myself, doing my assigned work from Galesburg. Wow… Even when I did go back to Galesburg to take my finals, I didn’t take them with the rest of my class. I was alone with my teachers… I know my parents did what they thought was best and right for me at the time.
We ended up moving back to Danville, IL that summer. Mom and Dad enrolled us three kids in the Baptist school there. This was now my sophomore year of High School and it was here that I found my social fit. I finally learned how to make good friends, but I still had a heavy focus on boys. It was this school year that I threw a lot of parties! My parents didn’t care…I know now why. All the parties were at my house…they knew who my friends were, what they were into, what we were doing, etc…smart.

Now, because of my dad’s job, we ended up moving to Olney, IL the summer after my sophomore year, which is 2 hours south of Danville, IL. Mom and dad found a church there that we became heavily involved in, which also had an ACE school. (ACE – Accelerated Christian Education) It was here that I hit the height of my school years. Almost overnight, I became popular! I was no longer the youngest in my class, I became a teacher’s aide for the elementary classes, I put together one of the school’s only yearbooks, my sister and I inquired and started our school’s Volley Ball team, which I was a captain of and earned 2 MVP awards my senior year (#27 BABY!!) You ask, What made the difference? I found respect for myself, I found a confidence I didn't have before and I had a REAL relationship with my Savior. In our church, I became more involved with our music ministry as a backup singer on our Praise Team, I ran our church nursery program, led worship in our youth, helped a lot with our church youth outreach downtown; The Cross, among other things. I began to see a glimmer of God’s calling on my life.
1994 was off to a good start! Senior year was going great, and I was in the final stretch to graduation…until March 15, 1994...My world as I knew it stopped.

~The Story Continues...Janice~

Key to A Blessing - Confidence

I love today's topic - CONFIDENCE. You might be thinking, how on earth can having confidence be a key to a blessing? Ah-ha! It's scriptural! I'm not talking pride, greed, power, 'I'm better than you' kind of confidence. I'm talking - having a GOD given confidence. You see, in Philippians 1:6, it says, "being confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will complete it it until the day of Jesus Christ." That verse is excellent but it gets even better....if you now read Luke 22:52, Jesus says right as they were getting ready to arrest Him, "Am I some dangerous revolutionary that you come with swords and clubs to arrest me?" When you put those verses together it causes me to realize how amazing Jesus was. He was an amazingly confident person. He resembled strength, peace, love - someone that knew what His missions was and where He was going. He had a life mission and He accomplished it in such a powerful way so that WE could live an abundant and dynamic life.

Think about it: Jesus wasn't someone who I would think of as a 'dangerous person' the way the soldiers were reacting to Him but if you put a little more thought into it, they obviously knew and recognized He was a man of great power and ability. He was dangerous enough to take a stand in what He believed in and never backing down to peer pressure, what-would-others-think syndrome, or fear. He chose to live a FULL life - walking in confidence the promises of His Father. So much so that Pilot did everything he could to destroy Him but I can't help but think of Mc Hammer's song: 'Can't touch this!' lol! You can't touch what belongs to the KING!! You are a part of his Kingdom so that includes you as well!

Guess what? It's the very same Father that Jesus lived His life for when He walked this earth that we live for. It's the same Father that gave Jesus the confidence and strength to do what He called Him to do. Don't ever forget that what God has called you to do, you can do it in confidence because you are a 'dangerous' woman of God - on a mission. Living life knowing that if a cliff came, (not a 'real' cliff - lol!) - with your confidence in God, you won't be afraid to jump because it's not your wings you are flying on but God's.

So, Fly!! Walk out your life, your dreams - no matter what the 'world' circumstances might look like. Be confident and know that you belong to the KING!

Excited, Tracee, Livng her 'Once Upon a Lifetime...'

Key To A Blessing - Laugh!

Ok - So I've been a sicko all week but I'm still alive so no complaints here. But, for today, I just couldn't make my brain think but I will tell you a secret. Are you ready, did you know that laughter is a blessing? Bring back to your memory the verse that says, "The Joy of the Lord is your _________________" STRENGTH!! That's the missing word. Having joy GIVES YOU STRENGTH. So, joy is a blessing and it freaks the world out cuz they don't get the joy that we get from loving on Jesus. So, in closing, here's a laugh for you today!!

Love you girls, Tracee

Key To A Blessing - Trust

Trust - that's a BIG word. It means to have confidence or faith in. It's not something that is always easy done but when you do it, it is life changing and an incredibly peaceful place to be. Imagine trusting in God w/out any doubts, whatsoever!! Imagine reading His promises and believing in them! Remember the story of when Jesus was hanging with his disciples, they had breakfast together and then He said, "Let's get into the boat and go to the other side of the sea." While on the boat, Jesus fell asleep. During this time a storm came and Peter starts freaking out. So much so that he went and woke Jesus up. I love Jesus' response, "Didn't I tell you we were going to the other side?"

God know's exactly where you are, what you are doing, what your circumstances are - His promises are true...just as He told Peter they were going to go to the other side and that's what they did - even in the middle of the storm, Jesus KNEW that they were going to make it no matter what. So, TRUST in your Heavenly Father. He's amazing, He's beautiful, He believes in you!

Psalm 23 (The Message)
God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.

You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.

Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.

Trusting, Tracee, even if it's by a thread, I CHOOSE to trust :)

The Key To a Blessing - Attitude

This week let's take a journey on the Key to a Blessing. The times we are living in are historic. As gloomy as they might be, God's blessings are always there, waiting to be poured into our lives, no matter what the world looks like. That is what is so phenomenal about God. What He does in our lives and throughout is not based on worldly circumstances but heavenly. So, check out this blog everyday this week for a 'key to a blessing' thought that will propel you through this season of life.

I can't take the credit for the main 'advice' today - but instead I rec'd this in my email and thought it was brilliant so I am sharing it with you.

Attitude
by Mac Hammond

William James wrote, "The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind." God has a wisdom word for you today and that word is "attitude." Throughout the Bible, God stresses the impact your attitudes have on your quality of life.

On numerous occasions the apostle Paul exhorts us to keep our attitudes humble, positive and pure. For those who do, the Bible promises peace, increase and fulfilling relationships. Pastor and author John Maxwell has called attitude "the speaker of your present and the prophet of your future."

God's wisdom word for leaders today is attitude.

It's me again! ;) Attitude - The Key to a Blessing is your attitude. I love what John Maxwell says how what you speak today in your present can prophetically affect your future! Powerful thought. So, check your attitude - if it stinks, leave it at the door and don't entertain that green monster anymore. Life is really about choices - you choose the outlook on life you want. So, choose to be positive, uplifting and determined to live your best life, starting with today!

Moving Forward, Tracee - I'll trip over something I'm sure, but I'm going to keep moving forward! :)

T.G.I.F!

Thank God It's Friday!!! Enjoy your weekend and remember - smile and laugh alot - it does your body good!

Smiles,

Tracee, ROFL

Women Drivers

Alright all you women - please tell me you don't drive like these women in this video! lol!!

Smiles,

Tracee, a good driver :)

Snow

I laugh histerically everytime I see this...I am not very fond of the snow and the cold either!!! HA!!! ENJOY!!! And be sure it's your own car you are cleaning off before you actually do!!!

~Janice~

A Friend is like....

A good bra!

Hard to Find

Supportive

Comfortable

Always Lifts You Up

Never Lets You Down or
Leaves You Hanging

And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

I'm Back!!

First of all, I want to thank all of you, especially Tracee for your support and prayers during my recent absence from this blog. Many of you know that my granfather passed away recently and getting back into the groove of things has not been easy. Thank you Tracee, for everything; your love, prayers, support, understanding and for taking on some of my responsibilities in my absence.

As I have reflected on this period of time, all the love, support, compassion and encouragement, I realize that this is what we as Christians are supposed to do, how we are to react. For some of us, compassion is like a second nature, yet for others, we have to work at it. God has opened my eyes recently to death and how the world deals with it - alone. There are those who don't have that love, support, encouragement - compassion. Death to some is depressing - dark - overwhelming - deep - cloudy. Death to others is life - celebration - encouraging - enlightening - clear. The second is how it should be and I can't imagine death without life - Life of our Father.

In Ecclesiastes 3:4, it talks about the fact that there is a time for every season and it reads, "A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance." it also says in Romans 12:15, "Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep."

Thank you - for letting Christ shine through you, and work within you. You never will know the capacity in which you will touch another's life.

~Ready to Dance!~ Janice

Shoe Therapy

Not all shoes are fun to walk in!! Check out this video and be prepared to laugh. I have played this over and over and have died laughing every single time.

BEWARE of the platform shoe!!

Tracee, have 2 basket loads of shoes and counting!

Dear Diary....

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

_____________________________

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny trainer to find me.Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

____________________

FRIDAY:
I totally despise Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stupid barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

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SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
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SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little brat) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Laundry - need I say more!

There are many things we do in life that are considered monotunous - laundry would be one of those things. It never, I mean, never goes away. It makes me go back thousands of years ago to the Garden of Eden and Adam and Eve - man, they didn't know how good they had it, did they? Imagine, a life without laundry? Imagine how much time we'd have in our day and how much money we would save. But, then the other side of me would be sad because that means no more shopping for fun clothes - and if you have a girl, wow - what a blast shopping for girls. Shopping therapy does wonders to the human soul. lol! So, I guess in this short blog, I've resolved that I will face my laundry piles with joy and happiness instead of dreading it. Now, figure out what I'm doing today? hahah!

Tracee, buried but choosing to love it AND the smell!

Morning Breath, Messy Hair, No Make-up.....

That's what God see's every morning when you wake up - you with your messy morning hair, breath that smells like garlic from last night's spaghetti dinner, your mascara is running underneath you eyelids and you have pillow wrinkles on your face. Hallelujah for hair products, flat irons, showers, make-up and silk pillowcases! Something hit me today - ok, not literally - haha! But I had a V8 moment! I was talking to a friend of mine and the next thing I knew, I heard myself saying, "Every morning when you wake up, God says, 'Good Morning Beautiful, What can I do for you today?'" That was a neat moment because here we are, not looking at all what we would consider 'beautiful' but yet that is how God see's us EVERY SINGLE DAY!! How many times have you felt that you weren't beautiful, how many times did you wake up and start your day of with a negative thought about yourself? Guess what? God finds you amazingly beautiful and has never once said anything negative about you. He's here for you, to bless you, enable you, pour into, encourage, uplift you, invigorate, instill hope, faith and love, to give you a future, a hope, a life worth living for. I could keep going and going but so as to not turn this blog into a novel (in which I am gifted for), I will stop while I'm ahead. lol! So, just imagine Jesus standing at the foot of your bed every morning you wake up, in all your wonderful natural beauty and there He is saying, "Good Morning Beautiful, What can I do for you today?"

Smiles, Tracee - beautifully and wonderfully made

When Life Gives You Sour Cherries.....

Laugh and rejoice and again I say rejoice. Now to be truthfully honest with you, when I see the word rejoice it makes me think of an antiquated word from upteen years ago - BUT, when you look it up in the Hebrew and break it down to it's true meaning, the word all the sudden becomes 'cool' again. I know, I'm mental. haha!

The hebrew meaning of the word rejoice is to spin around in a violent force. Okay, so then you can break that down and think of the times in the book of Psalms where God says that He rejoices over you - think about it. He means, "I am spinning around you in a violent force!" He's not just sitting there, quietly, paying half attention to you and every once in a while saying, "Great job!" No, He's up and surrounding you with a violent force because that's how much He loves us.

In case if you were wondering, this week has had it's sour cherries moments - of all weeks, a week ago my den flooded 50%, then 2 days later, my husband hurt his back and has been practically immobile since, and then I had my nephew arrive at our house on Monday to live with us for the rest of this school year. Too much 'drama' for just one week!! :) Now, my nephew is not a bowl of sour cherries! lol! He's a pure delight to have in our household. So, when the times have come as we eventually put our Den back together AND my husband (hahahahaha!), I can't forget that my God know's right where I am and is rejoicing over me saying, "You can do it Tracee, you can do it!" Ah, it's better than a calgon bath!!

"Don't be afraid. Dear Zion, don't despair. Your God is present among you,a strong Warrior there to save you. Happy to have you back, he'll calm you with his love
and delight you with his songs." Zephaniah 3:17

That's good - He will calm you with his love and delight you with his songs. It doesn't get any better than that.

Smiles,

Tracee, rejoicing with a violent force! Okay, I'm not going to mess my hair up. haha!

Becoming a Person of Influence

Have you ever asked yourself this question: What kind of influence do I have in the world I live in? We might not ever really think about it but we are being watched by those around us. Kind of sounds like a Twilight Zone movie. haha! I love what I Peter 2:11 says - it basically comes down to this: We are aliens in this world - we are in the world, but are not of it. For starters, it gives me the perfect excuse to not be normal, which I never have been. haha! So, I claim it as my verse for my reasoning why I am the nut that I am. I was never meant to be 'like' this world - my influence is not and does not come from this world - but it comes from God - so that gives me every reason to be different and not look like all those around me.

I'm putting out the challenge to you to begin to realize that all of us are people of influence - we have the power to show Jesus in our everyday lives and we have the power to show the world Jesus by our responses and actions. The choice is up to you! What do you want? Be yourself - and go for it!

I choose to become a person of influence; A person that freaks the devil out because I choose to not be normal but to live a life that shows Jesus in all I do - okay, stop!! - I just have to have a moment and let you know I'm not talking about a perfect life, never having a drama moment, or wishing my children would give my ears a moments rest from the constant question, "Mom, what are we going to do today? Mom, why are you making that?" haha! No, I'm not perfect, but in all my imperfections, God still finds me beautiful and I remain firm in knowing that I am a person of influence.

Smiles,

Tracee, the nut

S-T-R-E-T-C-H

If you've noticed, you will never get anywhere on this bike riding on square tires! Of course, it would look hilarious trying to see you attempt it! ;) So, what must you do? Stretch yourself and how you think and dream beyond your wildest imagination because you serve a God that created the very ground you walk on.

I started this year off thinking! I know, it's amazing, isn't it? haha! I wrote in my journal the thoughts that were going through my head, how I wanted to go into this new year, what adventures I wanted to attempt, what adventures I wanted to leave behind. It prompted these questions that I want to pass onto you.

1. What do you want to do with your life?
2. What are you willing to do to get there?
3. What will is cost you?
4. Are you willing to go beyong the 'square tires' mentality and get outside the box on this adventure?
5. What kind of legacy do you want to have?

I am not yet 40 but it's not too far away. I feel that my life is actually really just getting started - the more I choose to grow, the more I draw closer to Jesus, the more my life evolves into a beautiful masterpiece painted by the Masterpiece Himself.

So, as we begin this amazing new year remember this: Every day that you live is another day to become the person you've always longed to be. The only thing that will keep you from becoming that person is YOU.

Proverbs 16:9 says, "God determines your steps." Keep you feet planted inside HIS shoes and I promise you, you will be amazed at where He will lead you. Live an adventurous life with no limits! It's your life - now go live it!

Smiles,

Tracee - ready for the next great adventure!